Family

fam·i·ly
[fam-uh-lee, fam-lee] noun

1. a basic social unit consisting of parents and their children, considered as a group, whether dwelling together or not

2. any group of persons closely related by blood, as parents, children, uncles, aunts, and cousins

what does family mean to you?

have you ever felt "left out" from your family? i mean, understandably it happens sometimes. 

say everyone goes to see a movie, and no one thinks to call and invite you. 

or they plan get togethers (i.e. birthday parties, summer picnics, holidays, etc) without ever mentioning it to you.

understandable that it just happens sometime, right? 

but what if it happens more often than not? 

and no one cares? 

so, i bring you back to my original question. 

what does FAMILY mean to you? 

now, let me verify by saying that my direct family is amazing. :) i have sisters that will call me when they are having a bad day, and brothers who will text me randomly just to tell me that they love me. they call and invite me to go shopping with them, because i might be bored. 

see, what did i say. 

amazing. 

but i have to admit that the SECOND part of this definition is where i struggle. 

you know, the part of aunts, cousins, grandparents, etc. 

that e.x.t.e.n.d.e.d. family

i have one side of my family who i get along great with, but still feel excluded. (as in, "oh, so and so had a birthday, and you guys threw them a party? and we didn't know!? oh, ok"

another side of my family where i feel like i know just a few anymore.  and don't really hear from any of them.

granted, it happens as you all grow up and get older, and have your own kids and your individual families take place and just get too big. 

i get that 

i have an aunt that i could go to with anything, and wouldn't think twice about it. 

i have a sister and brother in law that i think the WORLD of

i have sisters that i would rather face death than to see any of them hurt. 

i have a mother and father who love me and care for me. 

i have a husband who loves me more than i deserve. 

i have a son who is the center of my world right now.

i know that i have not been the best building up my family relationships with my husbands family. and i want that to change. i want to be a part of their lives. i want them to be a part of ours.

so. what does family mean to you?

i think about what i want from my family 20 years down the road. 

i want to still be getting along and talking to ALL of my siblings. being able to call them at ANY time just to "chat"

i want my mom and dad to be there for everything possible. 

i want to be the best aunt to ALL of my nieces and nephews (no matter how many, and even if I don't like the spouse ;)) 

i hope i can look past any differences i have with anyone in my family, and still love them. 

no.matter.what.

i hope i can give my family the benefit of the doubt, and know that they will NEVER purposefully hurt me.

i hope that my kids, nieces, and nephews will never feel left out or less "liked" by me or any of my siblings.

i hope that my parents never side with any of us, and will treat us all the same. 

i hope that we can get together for thanksgiving meals and not be "separated" into different rooms. 

i hope that we can take a large family vacation somewhere, where no one feels left out, like they don't fit in, or that they aren't wanted there. 

cause that isn't really what a family is. 

now, i know that with families, come quarrels. 

trust.me. 

my sister and i had quite a few girl fights growing up. :) 

but i could never DREAM of hurting her intentionally, and i hope she knows that. 

or any of my siblings. 

i know there are still disagreements, and different views, and just times that we plain won't get along. 

but i hope that as a family we can look past the differences, the disagreements, and not judge each other. 

and just be a family. 

a family, is patience, acceptance, and love.

no.matter.what.

-me

I Had a Dream

I was a little girl alone in my little world who dreamed of a little home for me.
I played pretend between the trees, and fed my houseguests bark and leaves, and laughed in my pretty bed of green.

I had a dream
That I could fly from the highest swing.
I had a dream.

Long walks in the dark through woods grown behind the park, I asked God who I'm supposed to be.

The stars smiled down on me, God answered in silent reverie. I said a prayer and fell asleep.

I had a dream

That I could fly from the highest tree.

I had a dream.

Now I'm old and feeling grey. I don't know what's left to say about this life I'm willing to leave.

I lived it full and I lived it well, there's many tales I've lived to tell. I'm ready now, I'm ready now, I'm ready now to fly from the highest wing.

I had a dream

Some videos

so, i believe that i finally figured out how to add some videos. 

so here are some of bubba for your enjoyment. :-)

he was c.r.a.z.y. this night! 

enjoy :-)

fun weekends

a couple of saturday's ago, we took a small road trip. 

i had a couple of photoshoots from springville to salt lake with a few hours to kill in the meantime. 

and might i add in here, i have an absolutely WONDERFUL husband? 

why? because he drives me places on weekends. and he sits in the car with a sleeping child for over an hour while i do my photoshoot, and he puts up with my crazy "while we are here.." requests. see, you wish he was yours. but too bad, i already have him claimed for forever. 

anyway, back to what we were doing. i finished the first photoshoot in springville. we had 3 hours to get up to salt lake. i have this project going on with temples, and needed to get pictures of the provo temple, and the mt. timpanogos temple. so we ventured out and explored. :-)

first up was the provo temple

bubba really liked the water fountain in the front of the provo temple

in the above picture, he's pointing to the temple saying "go to temple!"

and he didn't want to leave when we were heading to the car.

next up was the mt. timpanogos temple. this is my FAVORITE temple. this is the one that sam and i were sealed in when we were married, and also the one where we had bubba sealed to us. forever holds a place in my heart.

we had a lot of fun! i will be posting the link where you can purchase prints of the temples that i have artfully made soon :-)

oh, and one just to be funny. :) we laughed for a quite a while over this one :-)

enjoy :-)

-me

how do people do it?

seriously. 

how do people do it? 

i guess i better explain what i am questioning.. 

i am a wife, a daughter, a sister, a mother, a photographer, a cleaner, a cook, an entertainer, a teacher, an owie kisser, a sad attempt at being domestic (no really, you should see the veil i just tried to make..), and a rememberer of everything others forget. (i SWEAR i told my hubby that 5 times..)

and some days, i just feel over-whelmed. 

so i ask again: 

how do people do it? 

how do people find balance in their lives?

i feel like i have to many things that require my full attention. 

obviously, being a mother and wife comes first. i would drop everything in a split second if my son needed me. 

but i feel like if i give that my 100% attention, then all the other areas lack, and i let people down. 

maybe that's what it all boils down to.

i'm AFRAID to let people down. 

i'm afraid that people will think less of me because it took me an extra day to get their pictures done, or that i didn't get the dishes done in time, or that i missed a party for a friend because my little needed just one more snuggle. 

why am i afraid to let people down? 

i.have.no.clue. 

but, now that i know why i am feeling like this (thank you blogging world for letting me get my thoughts down), i will find out that i can balance things, i will make it work, i will be able to do it. 

because i don't want to let you down.

Sickies

i really dislike being sick. 

REALLY. dislike.

as in, i would kick sickness in the face 

that is..if it had a face. but where i am the one sick, i really don't want to be kicking myself in the face. 

cause that would hurt. like, a lot. 

anyway. about a week before i headed out to new york, i had a cold. a very basic cold, stuffy nose, headache, and just bleh feeling. it went away luckily, before i headed to new york. then sam got sick. and was out for the count. then bubba got sick. bad cough, sore throat, etc. 

i figured since i had already been sick, i wouldn't get it. 

WRONG. 

i am currently down, with the feeling that a ton of bricks is laying on my chest. my throat is sore, my head hurts, my body aches, and i am still in my pajamas at 6:30 at night. 

(although i could say that i was just getting ready for an early bed, couldn't i..hmm..) 

i can't talk, as my voice is barely there and what i can get out sounds awful. (yes, just ask the client that called me earlier today. poor soul. but i can't just ignore them!) hopefully this will be gone in a day or two, and i will be back to my chipper self. 

in the meantime, anyone is welcome to bring us dinner. :-) 

oh, and i wanted to show you the absolute most precious view in the whole world.

see..completely precious. I love this little face.

where were you

September 11, 2001.

i was 18 years, and 28 days old.

i was living at my grandparents.

i woke up to people talking in the next room, and the t.v. turned on really loud.

i left my room to find my grandpa and aunt wendy looking out the window to the airport, watching bigger than normal planes land. i asked what was going on, and they said they were grounding all flights. my very first thought that i remember was:

did someone bomb the world trade center again?

little.did.i.know.

i got myself together and went downstairs to watch on the t.v. i walked into the room, as i looked at the t.v. the the first tower to fall, fell.

i started to cry

i watched the t.v. all day long. i was glued to it. trying to figure out EVERYTHING that i could about what was going on. i couldn't stop watching. i remember being curled up on my grandma's couch, sitting in my grandma's spot, just glued.

why was this happening? what did we do? what about all those people?

the images will be forever ingrained into my brain. the faces. the buildings. the planes. everything.

i remember missing my mom. i wanted to be curled up next to her, so she could hold me and tell me that everything was going to be ok. because i was still just a kid. i AM still just a kid.

and there are some things that mothers have the power to just make better.

i cried. a lot.

and every year, as this date comes around. i still look at articles, still trying to soak up everything that i can about it.

i can't believe it's been 9 years.

it still seems like yesterday.

while i was in new york last month, i told stacy, that one of the things i HAD to do while there, was to visit Ground Zero. it wasn't a negotiation. i was going to go. so we made it happen. the "pit" as they refer it to is surrounded by a covered fence. it's hard to see in. and we couldn't find the building that you could get above it and look down into it. so we did what we could.

 

there is a church
 across the street from ground zero called st. paul's. they have a memorial basically set up inside. so we spent a lot of time in there going through things. they had letters, and basically showed what it was like during the recovery efforts. it was heart warming. i cried. i was choked up. i tried to take pictures, but i wanted to take it all in as well. so i admit that i didn't get as many as i was hoping to. the spirit in there was amazing. the ground around there was hallowed. you could feel it. we were standing in there and i watched a man come in, look around, and then he fell to his knees bawling. it really tugged at your heartstrings. there was so much that happened there, that you can't even begin to wrap your mind around it.

   

  

the sign on the pew says the following:

"THE PEWS

throughout the 9/11 relief ministry, the chapel's pews became a refuge for firefighters, police officers, and rescue workers. some came to sit quietly alone; others came to pray. many came to sleep, stretching out with a blanket, pillow and teddy bear provided by volunteers.  letters from children cvered each pew, offering an uplifting message of hope.

always read to be called back to "the pit" at any moment, workers kept their boots and equipment belts on, creating deep scuff marks in the pews. when the chapel was cleaned and refurbished in 2002, it was decided  not to repair the pews, but to leave the marks as a witness and a tribute to the workers.

today, st. paul's chapel continues to honor the first responders of 9/11 by participating in the 9/11 neediest medical campaign."

and in the blue section it says :

"fireman's coats hung over the pews were a common sight.

at left are items that you might have seen on the pews on any day of the relief effort - a FDNY coat, a police lieutenant's hat, a hard hat, a bandana bearing the words of Psalm 91 - all are mementos of the police, military, rescue and recovery workers who rested here"

here is a cool fire station that is located just a few blocks away as well. and it is still in service. how cool is that?

 

I hope to never forget that day, or how i felt. as i hope that no one ever forgets. and i thank God every day for those over fighting for this to never happen again. 

hugs and prayers. 

me.