a couple of saturday's ago, we took a small road trip.
i had a couple of photoshoots from springville to salt lake with a few hours to kill in the meantime.
and might i add in here, i have an absolutely WONDERFUL husband?
why? because he drives me places on weekends. and he sits in the car with a sleeping child for over an hour while i do my photoshoot, and he puts up with my crazy "while we are here.." requests. see, you wish he was yours. but too bad, i already have him claimed for forever.
anyway, back to what we were doing. i finished the first photoshoot in springville. we had 3 hours to get up to salt lake. i have this project going on with temples, and needed to get pictures of the provo temple, and the mt. timpanogos temple. so we ventured out and explored. :-)
first up was the provo temple
bubba really liked the water fountain in the front of the provo temple
in the above picture, he's pointing to the temple saying "go to temple!"
and he didn't want to leave when we were heading to the car.
next up was the mt. timpanogos temple. this is my FAVORITE temple. this is the one that sam and i were sealed in when we were married, and also the one where we had bubba sealed to us. forever holds a place in my heart.
we had a lot of fun! i will be posting the link where you can purchase prints of the temples that i have artfully made soon :-)
oh, and one just to be funny. :) we laughed for a quite a while over this one :-)
i am a wife, a daughter, a sister, a mother, a photographer, a cleaner, a cook, an entertainer, a teacher, an owie kisser, a sad attempt at being domestic (no really, you should see the veil i just tried to make..), and a rememberer of everything others forget. (i SWEAR i told my hubby that 5 times..)
and some days, i just feel over-whelmed.
so i ask again:
how do people do it?
how do people find balance in their lives?
i feel like i have to many things that require my full attention.
obviously, being a mother and wife comes first. i would drop everything in a split second if my son needed me.
but i feel like if i give that my 100% attention, then all the other areas lack, and i let people down.
maybe that's what it all boils down to.
i'm AFRAID to let people down.
i'm afraid that people will think less of me because it took me an extra day to get their pictures done, or that i didn't get the dishes done in time, or that i missed a party for a friend because my little needed just one more snuggle.
why am i afraid to let people down?
but, now that i know why i am feeling like this (thank you blogging world for letting me get my thoughts down), i will find out that i can balance things, i will make it work, i will be able to do it.
that is..if it had a face. but where i am the one sick, i really don't want to be kicking myself in the face.
cause that would hurt. like, a lot.
anyway. about a week before i headed out to new york, i had a cold. a very basic cold, stuffy nose, headache, and just bleh feeling. it went away luckily, before i headed to new york. then sam got sick. and was out for the count. then bubba got sick. bad cough, sore throat, etc.
i figured since i had already been sick, i wouldn't get it.
i am currently down, with the feeling that a ton of bricks is laying on my chest. my throat is sore, my head hurts, my body aches, and i am still in my pajamas at 6:30 at night.
(although i could say that i was just getting ready for an early bed, couldn't i..hmm..)
i can't talk, as my voice is barely there and what i can get out sounds awful. (yes, just ask the client that called me earlier today. poor soul. but i can't just ignore them!) hopefully this will be gone in a day or two, and i will be back to my chipper self.
in the meantime, anyone is welcome to bring us dinner. :-)
oh, and i wanted to show you the absolute most precious view in the whole world.
see..completely precious. I love this little face.
i woke up to people talking in the next room, and the t.v. turned on really loud.
i left my room to find my grandpa and aunt wendy looking out the window to the airport, watching bigger than normal planes land. i asked what was going on, and they said they were grounding all flights. my very first thought that i remember was:
did someone bomb the world trade center again?
i got myself together and went downstairs to watch on the t.v. i walked into the room, as i looked at the t.v. the the first tower to fall, fell.
i started to cry
i watched the t.v. all day long. i was glued to it. trying to figure out EVERYTHING that i could about what was going on. i couldn't stop watching. i remember being curled up on my grandma's couch, sitting in my grandma's spot, just glued.
why was this happening? what did we do? what about all those people?
the images will be forever ingrained into my brain. the faces. the buildings. the planes. everything.
i remember missing my mom. i wanted to be curled up next to her, so she could hold me and tell me that everything was going to be ok. because i was still just a kid. i AM still just a kid.
and there are some things that mothers have the power to just make better.
i cried. a lot.
and every year, as this date comes around. i still look at articles, still trying to soak up everything that i can about it.
i can't believe it's been 9 years.
it still seems like yesterday.
while i was in new york last month, i told stacy, that one of the things i HAD to do while there, was to visit Ground Zero. it wasn't a negotiation. i was going to go. so we made it happen. the "pit" as they refer it to is surrounded by a covered fence. it's hard to see in. and we couldn't find the building that you could get above it and look down into it. so we did what we could.
there is a church
across the street from ground zero called st. paul's. they have a memorial basically set up inside. so we spent a lot of time in there going through things. they had letters, and basically showed what it was like during the recovery efforts. it was heart warming. i cried. i was choked up. i tried to take pictures, but i wanted to take it all in as well. so i admit that i didn't get as many as i was hoping to. the spirit in there was amazing. the ground around there was hallowed. you could feel it. we were standing in there and i watched a man come in, look around, and then he fell to his knees bawling. it really tugged at your heartstrings. there was so much that happened there, that you can't even begin to wrap your mind around it.
the sign on the pew says the following:
throughout the 9/11 relief ministry, the chapel's pews became a refuge for firefighters, police officers, and rescue workers. some came to sit quietly alone; others came to pray. many came to sleep, stretching out with a blanket, pillow and teddy bear provided by volunteers. letters from children cvered each pew, offering an uplifting message of hope.
always read to be called back to "the pit" at any moment, workers kept their boots and equipment belts on, creating deep scuff marks in the pews. when the chapel was cleaned and refurbished in 2002, it was decided not to repair the pews, but to leave the marks as a witness and a tribute to the workers.
today, st. paul's chapel continues to honor the first responders of 9/11 by participating in the 9/11 neediest medical campaign."
and in the blue section it says :
"fireman's coats hung over the pews were a common sight.
at left are items that you might have seen on the pews on any day of the relief effort - a FDNY coat, a police lieutenant's hat, a hard hat, a bandana bearing the words of Psalm 91 - all are mementos of the police, military, rescue and recovery workers who rested here"
here is a cool fire station that is located just a few blocks away as well. and it is still in service. how cool is that?
I hope to never forget that day, or how i felt. as i hope that no one ever forgets. and i thank God every day for those over fighting for this to never happen again.
fact : i really really really miss new york. i miss the sights, the feel, the people, the company, the awesomeness. i can't wait to go back.
fact : i really need to de-clutter my life. get rid of anything that brings me down, or doesn't build me up in anyway. and just clear everything out
fact : i am really tired of putting so much into a relationship/friendship when it's acted like it was never given. if someone wants to be my friend, then please show it. otherwise i get discouraged. especially if you treat me like crap, and still expect the effort i put into it. if you don't want to be my friend. fine. but don't act like you do, and then talk trash about me, or to me. it's not nice.
fact : i am usually very complimentative. i give a LOT of compliments. i, however, won't give one that i don't think is deserved. don't like it? tough. deal with it.
fact : i make up words like complimentative often.
fact : i am sitting next to the cutest sleeping boy you will ever lay eyes on. and he melts my heart at least once a day