Thursday, October 14, 2010


[fam-uh-lee, fam-lee] noun

1. a basic social unit consisting of parents and their children, considered as a group, whether dwelling together or not
2. any group of persons closely related by blood, as parents, children, uncles, aunts, and cousins

what does family mean to you?
have you ever felt "left out" from your family? i mean, understandably it happens sometimes. 
say everyone goes to see a movie, and no one thinks to call and invite you. 
or they plan get togethers (i.e. birthday parties, summer picnics, holidays, etc) without ever mentioning it to you.
understandable that it just happens sometime, right? 
but what if it happens more often than not? 
and no one cares? 

so, i bring you back to my original question. 

what does FAMILY mean to you? 

now, let me verify by saying that my direct family is amazing. :) i have sisters that will call me when they are having a bad day, and brothers who will text me randomly just to tell me that they love me. they call and invite me to go shopping with them, because i might be bored. 
see, what did i say. 

but i have to admit that the SECOND part of this definition is where i struggle. 
you know, the part of aunts, cousins, grandparents, etc. 
that e.x.t.e.n.d.e.d. family
i have one side of my family who i get along great with, but still feel excluded. (as in, "oh, so and so had a birthday, and you guys threw them a party? and we didn't know!? oh, ok"
another side of my family where i feel like i know just a few anymore.  and don't really hear from any of them.
granted, it happens as you all grow up and get older, and have your own kids and your individual families take place and just get too big. 
i get that 

i have an aunt that i could go to with anything, and wouldn't think twice about it. 
i have a sister and brother in law that i think the WORLD of
i have sisters that i would rather face death than to see any of them hurt. 
i have a mother and father who love me and care for me. 
i have a husband who loves me more than i deserve. 
i have a son who is the center of my world right now.

i know that i have not been the best building up my family relationships with my husbands family. and i want that to change. i want to be a part of their lives. i want them to be a part of ours.

so. what does family mean to you?

i think about what i want from my family 20 years down the road. 
i want to still be getting along and talking to ALL of my siblings. being able to call them at ANY time just to "chat"
i want my mom and dad to be there for everything possible. 
i want to be the best aunt to ALL of my nieces and nephews (no matter how many, and even if I don't like the spouse ;)) 
i hope i can look past any differences i have with anyone in my family, and still love them. 
i hope i can give my family the benefit of the doubt, and know that they will NEVER purposefully hurt me.
i hope that my kids, nieces, and nephews will never feel left out or less "liked" by me or any of my siblings.
i hope that my parents never side with any of us, and will treat us all the same. 
i hope that we can get together for thanksgiving meals and not be "separated" into different rooms. 
i hope that we can take a large family vacation somewhere, where no one feels left out, like they don't fit in, or that they aren't wanted there. 
cause that isn't really what a family is. 

now, i know that with families, come quarrels. 
my sister and i had quite a few girl fights growing up. :) 
but i could never DREAM of hurting her intentionally, and i hope she knows that. 
or any of my siblings. 
i know there are still disagreements, and different views, and just times that we plain won't get along. 
but i hope that as a family we can look past the differences, the disagreements, and not judge each other. 
and just be a family. 
a family, is patience, acceptance, and love.



Friday, October 8, 2010

I Had a Dream

I was a little girl alone in my little world who dreamed of a little home for me.
I played pretend between the trees, and fed my houseguests bark and leaves, and laughed in my pretty bed of green.

I had a dream
That I could fly from the highest swing.
I had a dream.

Long walks in the dark through woods grown behind the park, I asked God who I'm supposed to be.
The stars smiled down on me, God answered in silent reverie. I said a prayer and fell asleep.

I had a dream
That I could fly from the highest tree.
I had a dream.

Now I'm old and feeling grey. I don't know what's left to say about this life I'm willing to leave.
I lived it full and I lived it well, there's many tales I've lived to tell. I'm ready now, I'm ready now, I'm ready now to fly from the highest wing.

I had a dream