crazy

i've been reading through the last few posts on my blog, and i've decided something. 

i.sound.crazy. 

i promise i'm not. 

well...to a certain degree. 

but i think that everyone has SOME sort of craziness to them. that's what makes each of us unique. 

so i'm going to try to be better. haha. 

less crazy. 

this last weekend, i photographed something i have never photographed before. 

i won't go into it here, as it isn't necessarily mine to share.

but i believe it changed something in me. 

it was hard to photograph, and it made me really think about what i believe in. 

oh how simple and sweet is my belief. 

i respect those who believe differently then i. 

as we wait for a new little to join our sweet little family, i can't help but think that this is how it is supposed to be. 

God has a plan. 

i know that He is mindful of me. 

He hears my never ending prayers asking for comfort, peace, and love.

i know that even though i am BEGGING for an answer or for something to go a certain way, that He is listening and thinking :

"my dear child, i hear your pleas"

and even when i get discouraged, i know He has not left me.

He is always there. 

oh what a blessing!! 

He has helped me calm a lot of my "crazy" lately. 

thankfully, or i'm sure sam would be at his wits end by now. 

dang, how i love that man. 

i am SO thankful for my knowledge in my belief. 

and every time i look into these little eyes, it reaffirms that my life is where it is supposed to be right now. 

so we will continue to pray, and to love, and just...be. :)

HE knows ME.

how my mind works

a few weeks ago, i took a week off of facebook.

shocking, i know.

it was quite liberating. i was able to get more done around my house, spend more time with bubba, and focus more on my little family. 

WHY can i not remember that?

this is a conversation that i had with sam last night: 

sam: you sure spend a lot of time on your phone. you should spend more time with us. sitting by me, but being on your phone, isn't really spending time with me. 

me: yeah i know. i'm sorry.

sam: what are you even doing on it?

me: i don't know. facebook, instagram, pinterest, the news, email, words with friends, and if i'm not doing those, i'm playing some kind of game on it. 

sam: why don't you just put it down?

me: i can't

sam: why?

me: because if i put my phone down, then my mind starts working, and then i get anxious, and panicky. when i'm doing stuff on my phone, i don't have to think about what I have to do, so it calms me. 

(proof, i was in the shower during this discussion, and my phone wasn't 3 feet away from me, and i felt like i had to get out and check things)

sam:.....

me: (sighing heavily.) i just need to get organized and actually do things on my list so i don't have to do that anymore huh. 

sam: yeah, probably. 

i get anxious when i think. 

i over-analyze e.v.e.r.y.t.h.i.n.g. that comes into my mind.

i always worry about what everyone else is doing, and thinking, and talking about. 

and i'm never satisfied with what's going on RIGHT now. 

i have a million projects going at any given time, and will always give myself more.

i need to stop. 

and i will confess...while writing this post, i have gone back and forth to 3 different web pages because i can't focus on one thing long enough. 

and like most of my posts, i don't remember where i was going with this. haha. 

anyone have any ideas on things that can calm my mind and help me focus? i could accomplish SO much more if i could just focus. 

please. 

pretty please. 

anyway. 

that's a look into my mind. 

hope you enjoyed the trip. :) 

and i hope you enjoyed some photos of a little boy who keeps me sane. :)

babies don't keep

mother, oh mother, come shake out your cloth
empty the dustpan, poison the moth,
hang out the washing and butter the bread,
sew on a button and make up a bed.
where is the mother whose house is so shocking?
she's up in the nursery, blissfully rocking.

oh, i've grown shiftless as little boy blue
(lullaby, rockaby, lullaby loo).
dishes are waiting and bills are past due
(pat-a-cake, darling, and peek, peekaboo).
the shopping's not done and there's nothing for stew
and out in the yard there's a hullabaloo
but I'm playing kanga and this is my roo.

look! aren't his eyes the most wonderful hue?
(lullaby, rockaby, lullaby loo).

the cleaning and scrubbing will wait till tomorrow,
for children grow up, as i've learned to my sorrow.
so quiet down, cobwebs. dust go to sleep.
i'm rocking my baby, and babies don't keep.


by Ruth Hulburt Hamilton

 this poem kept going through my mind last night, as i chose to sleep in bed with my little, until he was in a deep enough sleep that i could slip out and go to my own.

and again today, as i spent 1.5 hours reading to him, book after book after book. and i didn't care.

i don't get him like this forever. 

he's going to grow older. and i want him to remember the good times.

so i've decided. 

my house can be clean...later. 

my hair can be done up...later. 

dishes can be done...later. 

work can be done...later.

i can be found rocking my baby.

for babies don't keep.

sick

i really really dislike sickness. 

sam has had an ongoing sinus infection, and just as it gets better, he gets it again. 

it's driving me nuts. 

our little family is usually a "cold" family. 

we get a lot of colds. 

bubba is known to get probably 6-7 colds through the year. 

we get used to it. 

but flu? 

luckily, it's passed us by for the last 3 years. 

the only other time bubba was up throwing up, was when he had RSV and therefor coughed himself sick.

until last night. 

oh my poor little. 

nothing is quite as sad as a little boy calling out in the dark

"mommie?! momma? i scared!" 

i was up the rest of the night with him, making sure he was comfortable, making sure he could sleep, and making sure there was a bowl in front of him when he needed it. 

because if i had to clean up vomit, i might.just.die.

(give me credit, i grabbed all his bedding and shoved it into the washer as fast as i could)

he snuggled his little warm body up next to me, tossed, turned, and was sick all night. 

i do not like sickness. 

and now he is playing, although not as hard as he usually does, and he takes many breaks to just lay down. 

we are trying to keep food in his stomach, (we've been successful with some dry cereal, and some peaches, and water) and just let him be as comfortable as possible. 

because being sick is NO fun. 

at all.