Thursday, April 28, 2011


i guess i better do some other kind of blog post so you aren't just getting confessions... 

bubba is getting SO smart! he is starting to count, and he recognizes different letters in the alphabet. 
i love him looking over my shoulder and then pointing out a "h" and making the sound it makes and saying "hot" with it. 
he loves hot dogs, and can eat those all day every day if i let him. :)

he got his first owie today. i went on a walk with a new friend, and he wanted to walk for some of it (not just sit in the stroller) so i let him out. he was back in the stroller within 2 minutes with a scraped up knee. 
no fun for him. 

life has been busy, i've been doing at least a couple of photoshoots every weekend, which has been nice. it keeps me busy, and doing what i love to do!

as most of you know, the weather has been really moody lately, and we are expecting snow AGAIN tomorrow. 
bleh. i want warmth and sun please. 

i am doing well, my stomach is healing and i still just have to remind myself to take it easy. kind of weird to think that it started 4 weeks ago tonight. i should be able to be back to myself soon, but i can tell when i lift stuff or try to use my stomach muscles that it still hurts. so still just trying to listen to my body and do what's best. 

sam is doing really well at his job, and he is loving it. :) he is being trained on some new stuff which is awesome, and we hope everything keeps going well with it! 

i know some of you are still wondering about our exciting news, but i am going to have to keep you on the edge of your seats just a little while longer. :) sorry about that.. 
but question, does anyone know a physician (family doctor) that would be willing to trade photography for a couple of physicals? if so, that would be AWESOME, and i could maybe through in a free shoot for you as well? please oh please oh please? leave me a comment if you do. :)

anywho, that's about life right now. :) 
just taking it a day at a time. :)

Friday, April 22, 2011

i have to admit

i am not good at coming up with titles other than "confessions" 
because that's what they are.. 
so if anyone has any suggestions on titles that i can use on friday's, please let me know. :) 

alright, here we go: 

~i used to shave the hair off of my arms. my mom would always laugh at me. but if you knew me in high school, you'll know that i HATED having hair on my arms, and i had a LOT of it! so i started shaving them a couple of years ago. i have since stopped, and my arms are hairy again, and it doesn't bug me so bad anymore. huh. 

~i love being busy. i thrive on it. i think that's why i am a photographer. even though it sometimes gets crazy, i feel like i am actually doing stuff. instead of just sitting at home in my pajamas doing movie days all the time. :) it makes me feel accomplished, and even if i complain, i secretly LOVE being busy. 

~i need friends. i mean, i have friends, don't get me wrong. but i miss going out and hanging out with someone, just because. i guess in order for me to do this, i need a car so i can actually meet with people. who wants to come hang out at my place?

~i don't sleep well. most nights i stay up late in bed, trying to shut my mind off. my mind goes a million miles an hour, and i can't shut it off long enough to fall asleep. so even though sam has been asleep since 10:30, i find myself awake at 2:00...even though i've been laying there the whole time. 

~i get scared to talk on the phone. seriously. it makes me so nervous. when someone calls, i look at my phone and my heart starts pounding, and i fear answering it. which is really weird considering i worked in customer service for 4 years answering phone calls. maybe that is where my fear came from, for the last 2 years i did supervisor calls, where people were mad and yelling. hmmm... i would rather text or email. it just goes to show how technological our generation is i guess. and my goal is to get better at talking on the phone to people. 

that's all i can really come up with right now. 
thanks for reading! 

Tuesday, April 19, 2011


i guess i should share with you my experience before i try to forget about it completely. :) 

april 1, 2011
april fools day
go figure. 

i started having pain early, early, early this morning. as in midnight. i couldn't get comfortable, and therefore couldn't sleep. 
it felt like my abdomen was completely sore. it went through to my back, and made it so i couldn't lay on my sides or my back, or any position really. it would come in waves. most of the time it was really dull constant pain, but then i would get these stabbings of pain that felt like my insides were being ripped out. 
not that i really know what that feels like..
so i learned to breathe through it. 
tried taking ibuprofen, because i've learned that i always try that first. 
didn't help. 
sam left for work, and i called my mom and asked her what i should do. 
my stomach felt bruised. it was REALLY tender to touch, and if you pushed on it, it would send stabbing pains all through my stomach and back.
i've had ovarian cysts before, and those hurt something fierce, so i assumed it was another cyst. 
so i tried to get in to see my aunt who is a midwife to see if we could find any cysts. 
unfortunately she wasn't working that day, but i made an appointment with one of the other doctors. 
thank heavens for amazing family, my sister came and took bubba over to her house, and my mom took me to the doctor. i couldn't really stand upright without being in severe pain, so i probably looked funny walking around hunched over. 
ok, not probably, i DID look funny walking around like that. 
got in to see the doctor, who was very nice by the way, and did an ultrasound. 
just what i feared. 
no cyst. 
of course not! this had to be more difficult than that! 
she was worried about the pain, and the fact that i had a slight fever (my thermometer didn't pick anything up) so we did blood tests. 
a pregnancy test to rule out ectopic pregnancy, and a white blood cell count to see if my body was fighting something. 
so home i went to try and sleep while my sister watched bubba. 
sam came home, he ate dinner, and tried to rub my back to ease the pain.
then i got the call from the doctor. 
pregnany test was negative 
but white blood cell count was almost double what it should have been. they like seeing it below 10, and mine was 17.
definitely fighting something. 
"you really need to get to the ER so they can diagnose more"
so we gathered some things for bubba, since we didn't know how long we would be and ran them to my parents house, and then headed in to the ER. 
got there, checked in and put in a room, stuck an iv in me, and filled me with fluids. 
took me back for a ct scan to see if they could see something with my appendix. 
we waited. 

sam had fun with the little t.v. in our little space, and i spent the time covering my ears so i didn't have to listen to the guy next door throwing up. bleh. 
doctor came back and said it looked like appendicitis, but they can never be sure (i'm sure for liability reasons..) sometimes they don't look like it, but you really have it, or sometimes it looks like it, and it comes out you don't. but the surgeon was there and they would have him look at my ct scan and me, and come in and talk to me. 
so we waited again, and finally a surgeon came in and told us that we would be going in for surgery. 
we had about 3 hours. 
my parents came, and my dad and sam gave me a blessing. 
they finally took my up to the room i would be staying in, and got me somewhat prepped for surgery. 
 this was taken by my dad just before they wheeled me to surgery.
just before midnight they came and got me for surgery. 
i remember being nervous (i've never had major surgery before!) but mostly calm. 
i could still joke around, and i didn't have that pit in the bottom of my stomach. which was good. 
i met with the anesthesiologist and nurse and they got me prepped. 
it was really weird being wheeled into the O.R. no one else was in there yet, just me the anesthesiologist and the nurse. i moved myself from that bed to the operating table and settled in. i was told to count back. so i started at 100 and made it to 98 before the next thing i remember was waking up in the recovery room. i was in and out of it for about 10 minutes before they took me back up to my room where my parents and sam waited. this was about 1 in the morning. 
my parents checked to make sure i was ok, and then left to head home. 
sam stayed by my side and tried to sleep. 
kind of hard to sleep when a blood pressure cuff goes off every half hour, or a nurse walks in every so often. :) but we did our best. 
we were up for the morning about 6:00. they tried giving me percocet throughout the morning, with zofran to help with nauseousness, but that didn't do well. i couldn't function at all. jackie and kaleigh came to see me, and i think my eyes were closed the whole time. i kept opening them, telling them that i was sorry i wasn't much fun right now. and then i would close them again, and go in and out. 
and we attempted to watch conference while in there. i don't remember ANYTHING about those 2 sessions..
i finally was able to talk them into just giving me ibuprofen, which helped a LOT more. i was more aware and was finally able to move around. 
we were able to go home about 5 in the afternoon. 
funny, the only times i threw up in the hospital, was when they gave me anti-nausea medicine. haha.
here are a couple of pictures of the incisions. if you don't want to see, close your eyes and scroll down. :)

i had 3 incisions in my stomach. it was done lapriscopically, so they are just small incisions. but i still couldn't lift anything for 4 weeks. (i'm 2 weeks in :)) (in the second picture, my belly button is the bottom incision, and my hips are at the top of the picture, sorry it's upside down, but that's the perspective i have of it. :))
results came back, and it was definitely just appendicitis (no definite reason for it to be inflamed) and was definitely swollen. while they were in there, they found that i had endometriosis as well, and took care of that while they were there. tests results all came back ok and normal after that. 

recovery has been ok. it's been hard not being able to lift bubba and carry him around. also hard not to do things for myself and try and rely on other people. we had some people in our ward who were kind enough to be able to bring us dinner for a few nights, and they've been good to check up on us. :) and now they just look like scars. still sore, especially if anything touches them. and i have a hard time wearing levi's because they sit right on the lower incision. so i've been in pajama pants most of the time. :)

i have the most AMAZING family EVER, who helped take care of things. they came over every day for the next week to help me. 

so that's my adventure. :) i don't ever want to do it again. :) 
especially now that we are seeing the bills. 
but all is ok, and that is what matters.

Friday, April 15, 2011


so yeah..i was really going to post more during the week..
and i didn't realize that the last post i made was the confessions. 
sorry about that. 
i will try to be better. 

here's this weeks confessions: 

~i am not a dog person. i like dogs, i get along with dogs, but i can't do big dogs. maybe a little lapdog or something..and maybe i will change my mind later. but as of right now,
i'll take a cat. 

~this weather is not stopping me from wearing flip flops. maybe i'm in denial. and maybe my feet are freezing anyway, but it's my way of trying to will spring to be here.

~i wish i was in colorado. my parents and some of my siblings are there visiting with my brother who just came home from his tour in iraq, his wife and little boy. and i can't help but being insanely jealous. i wish i was there with them. but i will be seeing them in a few weeks. :) and i'm excited. 

~i need to find balance. that's all i am really going to say about that, because a lot of it i am still trying to figure out myself. 

i think i am going to end there. because i am hungry and tired, and i want to get away from the computer. :)

Friday, April 8, 2011

Friday Confessions

i have to apologize for missing this last week. 
turns out i was in and out of doctor offices, and an emergency room. 
all while enduring massive amounts of pain. 
which leads me to my confessions- 

~i really dislike surgery. i have had a couple of minor surgical procedures (lasting less than an hour from start to being able to go home) with wisdom teeth and ivf. so this was the first time i had a major surgical procedure. 
and i don't like it. 
(for those that don't know, i will be making an entirely different post on WHY i had to have surgery at another time with pictures included. :)) 

~i am so over this snow. why does it have to keep snowing? mother nature needs to make up her stinkin mind.

~i made cookies yesterday. and i was up moving around more, and i took care of bubba all day by myself. 
not the smartest choices. 
i'm paying for it today. 
i guess i feel that since i feel better, i can do more. apparently that's not the case. boo hiss. 

~sam surprised me and got me an iphone almost 2 weeks ago. i am ecstatic. i {heart} it tons!!

~sometimes i get tired trying to keep up with everyone all the time. and times like that i think i want to close my facebook, twitter, blogs, and just live. 

~i feel bad not being able to do a lot of things with bubba right now. he's been acting out more this week, and i think it's because things went kind of crazy for a couple of days, and he hasn't had him mom to do everything i used to do. he wanted to go to sleep the other night, so i asked him if he wanted to go to bed. he said "no" and then "i seep ight dere" and pointed to my stomach. my heart broke. he has had to stay away from me for most of the time, and it sucks. 
i have made a commitment while i've been down, to do more meaningful things with bubba once i am up and moving again. even if it's just taking a walk around the neighborhood. he needs me, and i need him. 

 i think that's good for now. enjoy while i go lay back down.