sick

how many blog posts have i started out with that title? 

good grief. 

bubba and i are both fighting something. blah. bubba has his yearly nasty cough, that will most likely last until march with his asthma. :/ 

other than the cough and runny nose though, he seems to be running 100%. 

he has so.much.energy. 

i don't know how to keep up. 

i need to learn to bottle it and sell it. 

i'd be rich. 

as for me, i just have fatigue. my body is worn down. luckily i can still breathe, no cough, and no stomach issues. 

so we are spending the day watching movies, transferring files on the computer, updating software and working on business plans for the next year. 

it's going to be great! 

i also wanted to show a favorite family photo from the year. love this little family of mine. :) 

let's hope we get most of the way better so we can start off the new year RIGHT! 

end of a year

it is now december 29th, of the year 2013. 

this year is coming to a close. 

december has been a hard month for me, and i can't pinpoint what it is. 

probably a lot of different things at once. 

but, we've moved into our house, and it is AMAZING. 

we are seriously SO blessed to be able to live here! 

i was promptly called into the relief society presidency as the secretary. it's kind of weird as i haven't been in relief society for YEARS. i've been with the primary, and the young women's. 

so needless to say, this is different. 

bubba LOVES his primary class, and he loves that a lot of the kids in his class are also in his school class! we carpool to school each day, and he rides the bus home from school. 

he loves it. 

although it's taken some getting used to. 

he is getting so big, and i can't believe that he will turn 6 this next year! 

he gets more and more angel kisses all the time, and i love them. he loves rescue bots, and super heroes.  and his favorite person in the world right now is "uncle josh".  his favorite foods are calamari, yams, and noodles.  he is growing like a weed, and is one of the tallest in his class. i swear i am buying new pants for him every couple of months. either he's grown out of them, or he's ripped holes into them. :) 

my favorite things with him are morning snuggles, eating meals together, and playing games. i love that he still loves cuddling with me, and he isn't ashamed of my kisses yet. 

he tells me every day that i'm the best mommy in the world, and he loves me  62 thousand thousand times. (that's a LOT if you didn't know. :)) he encourages us to be better every day. he makes me smile, and he reminds us every night that we need to say family prayer. he can't go to bed without it. so thankful for this sweet spirit who makes me want to be better on a daily basis. 

i still haven't hung anything up in our house. i think it's a fear of putting holes in the brand new walls. :) 

but i am sure i will get there sometime. :) 

christmas was great! 

it was so much fun to spend christmas morning in our house. we were able to decorate (i will admit that my christmas decorations, or ANY decorations for that matter are lacking. :)) it and do some fun traditions. we got to include family and friends, and we really just had a great time spending it with them! 

we were able to talk to curtis (my brother) on christmas day via Skype! he's looking so good, and he's having fun. he is currently serving a mission for the LDS church in the louisville kentucky mission. he of course loves the area and the people. but we can't wait until he is home! 

thanksgiving was spent with my family. we had such a wonderful meal, and we got to play games and just have fun! we didn't do any black friday shopping this year, which was nice! 

christmas day marked the 7 year anniversary for our first "official" miscarriage. i still take it hard. which surprised me. but we made it through. december also marks the month that we found out that crystal had chosen us to raise bubba. i remember that day like it was yesterday, and we try to celebrate that day every year as well. 

december is also the mark for our adoption paperwork! haha. our paperwork has been in the system for 2 years now. 

it is amazing. with bubba, from getting our paperwork in, to going live, to him being born was 3 months. 

this time it's been two years. 

every one says to just be patient. that it will happen on the Lord's time. 

but it doesn't make it easier. 

i often wonder what's wrong with us. why wouldn't someone choose us? what are we supposed to learn from this? 

and every day, bubba asks when he's going to get a little brother or sister. 

or talks about how he just wants someone else to play with

or asks why i don't have a baby in my tummy ("it's a factory! can't you just make one like aunt kaleigh?) 

and every time it gets harder to think that he just might not get a sibling. 

but that thought rips.me.in.half. 

i've been thinking a lot the last little while about how to submit to the Lord's will. 

i don't know how. 

my desire for a bigger family is SO strong, that i don't know how to let that go, and just be happy. 

sometimes it consumes me. 

but we live each day, grateful for the wonderful blessings we have. 

we hope and pray, and KNOW that the Lord is mindful of us. 

and that things will work out. 

He doesn't want us to be sad. He wants us to be happy. 

so we hold on to the thought that we can be happy now, and we can reach complete happiness with Him. 

but anyway, that's enough heavy for us right now. :) 

we are excited for 2014, and what it has in store for us.

we hope you have an absolutely amazing new year. :)

new home

well, we are moved as of a couple of weeks ago into our new home. 

we finally got internet hooked up this week. 

we have bubba in his new school and he is very excited to be there. 

he gets to ride a bus home from school every day. 

i can't tell you what that does to this momma's heart. 

but he does it, and he loves it.  

apparently he sits by a girl names megan. 

and he chases her at recess. 

sigh. 

we are becoming accustomed to our house, the sounds that it makes, and the sounds we don't hear. 

we are away from neighbors (as in, we don't share a wall with them!) and we love it! 

last night, sam and i watched "white house down" and we turned the sounds system up. 

and nobody complained. 

we have a kitchen, and i've been able to cook some meals in it, which makes sam happy. 

he gets leftovers for lunch. :) 

our ward was split the sunday that we got here. 

it was split from having over 700 active members

to 536. 

it's still huge. 

our neighbors are wonderful, and we've chatted with them at various times, and they brought us dinner just after we moved in. 

i think we'll be friends. 

but...despite all this love and excitement we have for our new home. 

we miss our other one. 

not so much the apartment, but the neighborhood, the friends, and family. 

it's very true when someone says "home is where your heart is"

i guess i don't feel like my heart is out here yet. 

it's still back out in layton. 

i miss my friends that i would hang out with as often as we could. 

i miss the routine that we were in. 

and i miss my family. 

very much so. 

the last couple of days as we've tried to get into a routine here, i have felt lonely. 

i crave for someone to sit and chat with. 

i used to think that i would be happy staying by ourselves the rest of our lives. 

but i need social interaction. 

sigh, 

this will get easier. 

and i know that we have it easy. a lot of people i know aren't even close to their families (michelle, how's england? :))

so an hour away shouldn't be so bad. 

i guess it's just hard adjusting when we would go over to my parents every.single.day. 

but we will find friends, and we will love it out here!

i am sure of it. :) 

but in the meantime, just know we are still here

trying to get into a routine. :) 

time to start again

"i need to write on my blog again, i've been really bad about it" 

"yes you have"

that was a conversation held with my mother the other day. 

it's been weighing heavily on my mind the last little bit. 

this urge, or need to write on my blog. 

to keep people updated. 

to just write. 

so here i am. 

i really don't think anyone reads this anymore. 

but if you do. thanks. you know..for sticking around. :) 

i suppose i feel the need to write again because things are changing so much, that i can't remember what i have going on from day to day, and i want to look back and be able to remind myself of things that have happened! 

i'll give you a quick rundown of what's been going on the last few months. 

let's see...

JUNE- 

we went to california and spent a week at a family reunion in the ever amazing city of el cajon and san diego. 

we also spent some time going up to newport beach, huntington beach, and legoland. 

and on the way back, spent a night in las vegas. 

i started a busy summer with photography, which has been great! 

we also decided to build a house. (are we crazy yet?) 

JULY-

spent a great 4th of july with my family, and enjoyed the festivities. 

signed a contract to build our house. (eek!) 

photography got even busier. 

sam is enjoying his job. 

we celebrated ELEVEN years of marriage. :) 

AUGUST-
we went through another miscarriage.

our house started getting built! 

it's a wonderful house out in tooele county. 

i know, i know. it's SO far away. but really..it isn't. and it will be nice. 

i celebrated my 30th birthday. i am officially out of my 20's. 

i had a FUN road trip to california to photograph a wedding, and had the wonderful pleasure of having a friend come with. 

we also had a wonderful weekend with my family at strawberry camping and catching fish. 

bubba started KINDERGARTEN and i may/may not have cried (definitely). 

he's getting SO big. 

he is a chatterbox, and is non-stop. 

i seriously don't know where he gets his energy to go, go, go and not stop from the moment he wakes up to the moment he falls asleep! 

he lost his first tooth as well. 

stop.growing. 

SEPTEMBER- 

school keeps us on a schedule.

our house is coming along SO fast! 

no trips this month. 

i had the opportunity to photograph 5 weddings this month. 

spending as much time as we can with friends. 

OCTOBER - 

so far this month, sam enjoyed his birthday this last weekend. 

i sure love that man, 

bubba lost his second tooth. (seriously. stop growing) 

our house is almost complete. they are planning on finishing it by the end of this month, and we could be moving as soon as 3-4 weeks. 

i'm beginning to think that i'm not ready for this step. 

so there. are we caught up? 

know something that i missed? 

since we will be moving away from our family, and i won't be seeing my mother on a near daily basis. i am hoping that i can spend more time writing on my blog. 

hopefully it will include different things that we are doing to our home, and more photos of bubba, because i'm pretty sure that 99% of the people who read this blog only come here to see him. :) 

so, let's encourage me to keep writing, mkay? 

great thanks. 

enjoy your day. :) 

have i done any good

"have i done any good in the world today?

have i helped anyone in need?

have i cheered up the sad and made someone feel glad?

if not, i have failed indeed. 

has anyone's burden been lighter today

because i was willing to share?

have the sick and the weary been helped on their way?

when they needed my help was i there?

then wake up and do something more

than dream of your mansion above

doing good is a pleasure, a joy beyond measure, 

a blessing of duty and love. 

there are chances for work all around just now, 

opportunities right in our way. 

do not let them pass by, saying, "sometime i'll try,"

but go and do something today. 

'tis noble of man to work and to give; 

love's labor has merit alone. 

only he who does something helps others to live. 

to God each good work will be known. 

then wake up and do something more

than dream of your mansion above.

doing good is a pleasure, a joy beyond measure, 

a blessing of duty and love."

make sure you go out and make someone smile today. :) 

5 years old

so, how have you been doing? 

good? 

great! 

we've been doing alright over here. 

i noticed that it's been a couple of months since i've posted anything. 

i should probably get on that..

yeah. 

bubba turned 5 last month. 

can you believe it? 

i certainly can't. it's hard for me to think that it's been 5 wonderful years since he was placed in our arms. 

and i love him more and more each day. 

his favorite things right now are: 

star wars

batman

any kind of costume

broccoli

mushrooms

strawberries

ramen noodles

riding his bike

playing skylanders and star wars lego for the wii

snuggles 

stories

talking

nice people

trying to read

 chocolate milk

things that he doesn't like are: 

any mexican food. 

except quesadillas 

chores 

naps 

homework 

cleaning 

waiting 

mean people 

he is a very determined kid when it comes to something he wants. 

he can be one of the sweetest kids as well. he loves giving hugs to people, and will give complete strangers hugs, just cause he feels like it. 

he is someone who does small talk

and i am not. 

so he will get me talking to someone out in public

not a day goes by that he doesn't ask when his baby sister is coming. 

and i have to keep telling him "i don't know"

he also only prays for a baby sister. 

he will for a baby brother when he thinks about it, 

but his mind automatically goes towards a sister. 

he is funny and he loves to tease everyone. 

he also likes having his way, and gets his "feelings hurt" when he doesn't. 

he says he wants to marry me when he grows up, so he can live with me for always. 

he also wants to marry his aunts. 

and pretty much any female that crosses his path. 

he's a flirt, and can sweet talk anyone. 

he loves to eat, and i can see our grocery bill going up in the future. 

my brother left on his mission for the LDS church last month, and he asks every day when curtis will be home. 

he also says he wants to be just like curtis when he grows up, and go on a mission. 

he is absolutely the light of our life, and we are SO grateful that he is with us!! we love him to the moon and beyond. 

:) 

on other notes, we are still waiting to be chosen by a birthmother, and we are looking at buying a house. 

boo and yay! 

please share

I would like to open up a little bit of me for you.

This is my wonderful little family. I am thankful for them EVERY.SINGLE.DAY. There isn't anything I wouldn't do for them. And I also look at them as a proud accomplishment. I worked HARD for this little family. I gave my body and dignity up to injections, surgeries, ultrasounds, doctor visits, medication, and  multiple disappointment to get this little family. We have endured 10+ years of infertility, multiple rounds of IUI's, 3 rounds of IVF, and 3 miscarriages.

I can't birth kids of my own. We've been told by 3 different doctors that it isn't possible. It would literally take a miracle.

This little man, came to our family through the wonderful gift of adoption. And I won't go a single day without expressing my thanks to God for him, and his wonderful momma. I would NOT be living my dream without them. I can't express my feelings for adoption. It has blessed my life like nothing else can. I know there are a lot of differing opinions on it, and everyone deserves their opinion. But, I would not be where I am without it. And his momma? She is a WONDERFUL person who we still keep in contact with. We love her, and consider her part of our family.

Well...we absolutely love our family of three, but know there are other littles out there for our family. So, we are trying to adopt again. It's been a long process. We completed the paperwork 1.5 years ago. We've had ups, and downs. We've had hopeful situations not work out, and we've recently been scammed.  It's not easy. And I won't lie, some days I HATE the wait. Most days though, I look forward to our future with SO much hope.

But there are still strains with adopting.

If you aren't aware, adoption costs range anywhere from $7K to $50K and up. Depending on the agency. That can be a huge chunk of change.So we are asking for help to offset some of the costs of adoption. But don't worry, we have something to offer :) We have set up a page where you can purchase prints of your choice.

 You  can go HERE to view and purchase prints.

We have a variety of photos that you are welcome to purchase and 100% of the profit will go towards an adoption. I absolutely HATE asking for money, so we thought this was a win/win where you can purchase something pretty for your home, and it would be going to a good cause.

If you don't see a photo that you would like printed, but still would like to contribute, we won't say no. :) You can click on the donate link on the right side bar --------->>

Thank you so much for helping us grow our family. I hope you enjoy your prints in your home, and that is makes you smile whenever you look at it. 

if you are suffering from infertility, or are going through adoption. please feel free to contact us. we love to help out however we can, and want you to know you aren't alone. :) 

half? step? who cares?

what is a half sister? 

what is a step brother? 

what is a full sibling? 

as adults we know the answers. 

one set of dna from one of the same parents, children from another marriage brought into the current marriage, and children with the same biological mom and dad. 

kids don't know this. 

according to small children, they don't care. 

i've seen this recently. 

and they're right. 

it.doesn't.matter. 

aren't we all children of our Heavenly Father? 

doesn't that make us all brother's and sisters? 

i know there are rolls that we have to follow here on earth (you now, parent/child/grandparents/etc)

but aren't we all siblings?

so why does it matter if we don't use the proper "labeling"?

if we had to label each child for how they came to earth, 

my children would never be siblings. 

they will most likely never have the same dna as their siblings. 

so wouldn't that make them step children to each other, and to sam and i?

NO. 

i can't accept that. 

i won't accept that. 

my children will be my children. my sons and daughters. 

my children will be siblings. 

full brother and sister. 

no matter HOW they come into our family. 

we are ALL a giant family. 

we are ALL children of God. 

we are ALL brother and sister. 

let's act like it. 

and maybe i'm off in my thinking.
and i know that there are a lot of people who won't agree with me.
but that's ok.
i respect your thoughts, so please respect mine. :) 

5

that's right. 

5 views have been on my blog in the last 5 days. 

michelle, my mom, me, my mom, my mom, and...

my mom. 

you would think that i update my mom enough, 

seeming as i can't go a single day without calling her. 

wait scratch that. 

it's 10:00pm and i haven't called her today yet. 

you can bet your pretty face i'll be calling her shortly. 

i'm sure glad she loves me. 

i think most people would be annoyed to spend as much time with me as my mother does. 

oh wait. 

sam does. 

so, michelle and mom, you should ask if sam gets annoyed with me. 

and mom, if you get annoyed with me...

don't tell me. :) 

i really don't want to know. 

so

how is your 2013 treating you? 

mine is going juuuuuuust peachy. 

i've spent most of it with my mom. 

did you know my sister is getting married in 13 days? 

or is it 12..

either way, there's a lot o' stress coming from that house. 

but she's marrying a pretty amazing guy. 

he's going to be fun in our family. 

and he's pretty lucky, because he's marrying one of my best friends. 

and i still can't believe she is old enough to marry. 

do you ever have an event in your life where the people are kind of frozen in that state?

mine was 10.5 years ago when i got married. 

my sister was 10. 

she will forever remain 10 in my mind.

and my brother will remain 8. 

did i tell you that he's leaving in 2 months? 

good grief, where have i been? 

he's leaving to serve a 2 year mission for our church. 

in louisville kentucky. 

i still can't believe it. 

and even though i'm pretty excited for him, 

i'm not looking forward to missing him for 2 years. 

but he will be a GREAT missionary. 

trust me. 

can i take a moment and tell you how content i feel with life right now? 

no things aren't perfect. 

there is still a lot that i wish would happen, or things i could do. 

but i snuggled the most AMAZING little boy this evening, and i am currently wrapped up in my chair, sitting next to sam as he looks through sports, and i am overcome with 

gratitude. 

simple.gratitude.

it makes my heart swell, and a lump press it's way into my throat. 

and even though some things suck, and i wish some things would change. 

i am grateful for moments like this. 

life

life is pretty good right now. 

and, michelle and mom, 

i love your guts. :)

and if you're not my mother, or my michelle
leave a comment so i know you're reading. :)