Sunday, December 29, 2013

end of a year

it is now december 29th, of the year 2013. 
this year is coming to a close. 
december has been a hard month for me, and i can't pinpoint what it is. 
probably a lot of different things at once. 

but, we've moved into our house, and it is AMAZING. 
we are seriously SO blessed to be able to live here! 
i was promptly called into the relief society presidency as the secretary. it's kind of weird as i haven't been in relief society for YEARS. i've been with the primary, and the young women's. 
so needless to say, this is different. 
bubba LOVES his primary class, and he loves that a lot of the kids in his class are also in his school class! we carpool to school each day, and he rides the bus home from school. 
he loves it. 
although it's taken some getting used to. 
he is getting so big, and i can't believe that he will turn 6 this next year! 
he gets more and more angel kisses all the time, and i love them. he loves rescue bots, and super heroes.  and his favorite person in the world right now is "uncle josh".  his favorite foods are calamari, yams, and noodles.  he is growing like a weed, and is one of the tallest in his class. i swear i am buying new pants for him every couple of months. either he's grown out of them, or he's ripped holes into them. :) 

my favorite things with him are morning snuggles, eating meals together, and playing games. i love that he still loves cuddling with me, and he isn't ashamed of my kisses yet. 
he tells me every day that i'm the best mommy in the world, and he loves me  62 thousand thousand times. (that's a LOT if you didn't know. :)) he encourages us to be better every day. he makes me smile, and he reminds us every night that we need to say family prayer. he can't go to bed without it. so thankful for this sweet spirit who makes me want to be better on a daily basis. 

i still haven't hung anything up in our house. i think it's a fear of putting holes in the brand new walls. :) 
but i am sure i will get there sometime. :) 

christmas was great! 
it was so much fun to spend christmas morning in our house. we were able to decorate (i will admit that my christmas decorations, or ANY decorations for that matter are lacking. :)) it and do some fun traditions. we got to include family and friends, and we really just had a great time spending it with them! 
we were able to talk to curtis (my brother) on christmas day via Skype! he's looking so good, and he's having fun. he is currently serving a mission for the LDS church in the louisville kentucky mission. he of course loves the area and the people. but we can't wait until he is home! 

thanksgiving was spent with my family. we had such a wonderful meal, and we got to play games and just have fun! we didn't do any black friday shopping this year, which was nice! 

christmas day marked the 7 year anniversary for our first "official" miscarriage. i still take it hard. which surprised me. but we made it through. december also marks the month that we found out that crystal had chosen us to raise bubba. i remember that day like it was yesterday, and we try to celebrate that day every year as well. 
december is also the mark for our adoption paperwork! haha. our paperwork has been in the system for 2 years now. 
it is amazing. with bubba, from getting our paperwork in, to going live, to him being born was 3 months. 
this time it's been two years. 
every one says to just be patient. that it will happen on the Lord's time. 
but it doesn't make it easier. 
i often wonder what's wrong with us. why wouldn't someone choose us? what are we supposed to learn from this? 
and every day, bubba asks when he's going to get a little brother or sister. 
or talks about how he just wants someone else to play with
or asks why i don't have a baby in my tummy ("it's a factory! can't you just make one like aunt kaleigh?) 
and every time it gets harder to think that he just might not get a sibling. 
but that thought 
i've been thinking a lot the last little while about how to submit to the Lord's will. 
i don't know how. 
my desire for a bigger family is SO strong, that i don't know how to let that go, and just be happy. 
sometimes it consumes me. 
but we live each day, grateful for the wonderful blessings we have. 
we hope and pray, and KNOW that the Lord is mindful of us. 
and that things will work out. 
He doesn't want us to be sad. He wants us to be happy. 
so we hold on to the thought that we can be happy now, and we can reach complete happiness with Him. 

but anyway, that's enough heavy for us right now. :) 
we are excited for 2014, and what it has in store for us.
we hope you have an absolutely amazing new year. :)

1 comment:

Anonymous said...

Tara. I have heard a little about your story and when my journey of infertility seems to be beginning, I just had to know how someone gets through it. I've spent the last week reading post after post reading about your strengths and trials and im grateful that you put your feelings out there and it really helped me. You have a beautiful family. Please keep sharing.