friday, shmiday

let's see what we have today

~we went to lagoon twice this week, and it makes me feel like a kid again. love the rides, the swimming, and the just being with family. chris and tab, you would be SO proud of me, the last two times i've gone, my phone has stayed away. :) 

~i need to take more time for my family. i LOVE my business, but i need to find balance. this is something that i will be working on for the next couple of weeks, to see what i can do to bring balance back to my family (this includes making dinner more often i guess. but bubba is SO please with mac and cheese and chicken nuggets!)

~i ate a bowl full of spinach grown in our pots outside our front door. and we are starting to get green beans, and i am really very excited for them! 

~sam has about a month and a half before we find out if his job is permanent. he goes back and forth each day thinking that it's for sure, to thinking that he should start looking. i just wish that they would give them SOME notice, so we aren't suddenly without a job. :/ i really dislike the not knowing of it.

~i wish i were a writer. or someone who could eloquently put words together to bring true emotion into something that someone is reading. but alas. i really suck at writing. haha. i was once told by my third grade teacher i believe, that i needed to read the dictionary, because my vocabulary was awful. i'm beginning to think that she was right. oh, and if she were to read my blog, she would cringe, and tell me i need to work on capitalization. hmm. oh well. 

~some of my best ideas come while i'm showering. 

hope you all have a wonderful weekend!!

update

my mom was giving me a hard time today about not updating my blog. 

yeah..i don't know why, maybe it's because i don't feel like i have anything interesting to share. 

i have the tab open across the top of my browser, i just don't ever think to click on it and update. 

ah well. 

confessions, shall we? 

~i'm getting older. i slept on a floor last night, and i couldn't move this morning. my shoulders and hips hurt so bad. 

i don't like this fact.

~i am working on being happier with myself, and not worry so much about everyone else. 

i'll let you know how it goes.

~we need more movies. i think i have worn out the ones that we have

~i am a photographer, and i only have a couple of pictures hanging up on my walls. sad i know. i think it's because i know i'm not going to be in this place long, so i don't want to get completely settled in and do stuff, unless i know i'm going to be there a while. so sad. 

~i want to go on a vacation with sam. just him and i for a couple of days. we haven't done that for 3 years. we have only been away from bubba 3 nights. and they were all separate, and we were only away for about 12 hours. i want an actual vacation away from everything. for at least 2 days. it would do wonders i think. 

all right, i want to go to bed. enjoy your night.

june confessions

confession time

~i stink at updating this blog. i know many of you will agree with me on this. i apologize. 

~i am having a hard time with friends. i guess i put in way too much effort with people to be their friends. and no effort is returned. makes me want to give up. i often feel like i don't really have friends, just acquaintances. but no one i can really call and talk to. i try to be there for others, and try to be a good friend. but somehow, i think i'm failing. 

~in discussing the above issue with sam, we started discussing "love languages". i always thought that my love language was "gifts" or "physical touch", but in our discussion, we decided that my love language is "words of affirmation". i thrive when i receive compliments, or praise. and in the friend issue above, i don't often get that, so i feel i am failing as a friend. 

i don't know, maybe it's all just in my head. 

~i am over complimentary. unfortunately, this leads to people thinking i'm fake. i love receiving words of praise, so naturally, i give lots of praise. i don't ever give a compliment that isn't deserved in one way or another. but people start to think that i don't mean what i say, and that i am just fake. 

not.so.

~i have been having so many dreams about babies, that it makes me sad. i hope that this adoption process takes a shorter amount of time, rather than a longer amount of time!

the.end.

love

all you need is
L.O.V.E. 

pictures

 as mentioned, i got my new camera last week. and i am in love :) i made bubba play around while i took some pictures with it. and these are what i got. i absolutely love the colors, and the sharpness that i can achieve with this camera. love, love, LOVE. 

now i just need to save up for some new lenses as well. :) 

i tried to get bubba to jump onto the pillows to make it look like he was flying. 

i know, i'm the BEST. 

he tried it once, and said he didn't want to do that anymore. haha.
although, i absolutely LOVE the look on his face while doing it.
you can click on it to make it larger. :)

 then HE wanted to play with my camera. 

yeah..not ready for that one yet...

so he got mad. 

and cried.

 but then he got a juice, so he was happy again.

 i absolutely LOVE his eyelashes. 

i want them.

 then he got to have a bath. 

LOVE his blue eyes in this picture. 

 then i forced him to take a picture with me. :)

 he didn't want his picture taken anymore, so i took a picture of his new best friend, the dinosaur, instead.

 "cheese"

such a cheesy grin. :)

 then he wanted to smother me in kisses. 

and you know...

i was ok with that. :)

and yes...most of the time, bubba and i are in pajamas all day long. :) 

don't judge me. 

:)

confessions

alrighty then 

~i hate jurassic park. we are currently watching the second one, and i am reminded how bad i dislike those movies. poor cinematography and everything. bleh. i don't think i'm going to sleep tonight. i'll either be up with a scared to death 3 year old, or my own mind keeping me awake.

~i need an interior decorator to come and do a major overhaul on my house. it's sad. 

~ at this moment, i am starving. and i really want cheesecake. 

~i love business season for my photography. it keeps my mind off of things. 

~infertility sucks. 

the end.

still here

i'm starting to get messages asking if i dropped off the face of the earth

nope. still here. 

surviving. 

thankfully, i have this little man to keep me going. 

and boy does he keep me going. 

but we are here. 

 i have really been struggling with our infertility again. 

i hate that it comes and goes. and when i think i am over it and past it, it rears it's ugly head again. 

4 years ago at this time, we were told that our chances of having biological children were one in a million chance. slim to none, and if i did become pregnant, i will miscarry, because of all the factors playing in.

boo hiss

so i am trying to go through that stage again and get past again. digest all the information...again.

i know that i will never fully get through it. it's something that i'm going to always be struggling with. but i just need a couple of days to come to terms with it all again, and then i'll be good. :) 

something that has helped, is that we are filling out our adoption paperwork again. 

YAY!!! 

we have finished the first little bit and are in the last stages of getting our paperwork in. :) 

that in and of itself is VERY exciting. 

i can't wait to expand our family. 

the other exciting thing, is i got a new camera

yes, yes. 

and it is amazing.

the picture of bubba above is the first picture i took with it. 

then i had to try and take one of myself. 

haha, not the BEST picture, but it works. 

anyway, i hope things are going well for you.